I had the time to read back on the old blog I once had.. and while reading it.. I realised I used to write great post.. especially those that will really make me feel emo. .. ok.. I shall say that.. I used to feel highly insecure. I used to build a wall that restrict anyone to pass by it.. and in the same time.. I want to be understood.. complicated? Ya.. I know...
Ya.. I know I look strong and "unbeatable" from the outside.. but to be frank.. it is just a mask frm a vulnerable me.. So, should I say that.. the more tough one appear to be.. it might only shows that.. that some1 might be highly insecure and once this wall is broken into half.. the next thing you will see.. is some1 crying like a big baby?
The thing is.. no matter how hard you are trying to avoid one thing.. if you fail to face it.. it will haunt you down.. so.. the question now is.. do you have the courage to face it?? I know.. at times it hurts to face the facts.. and I know at times it is scary to take the next step.. as one unknown. somehow will lead you to another unknown which.. you are not in control of.. but the bare truth.. life is all about risks.. if you are not willing to take the first step.. and you are afraid of the past haunting you.. you will not be able to able to live out of the past.. you will forever remain status quo.. is that what you wish for??
I have to be frank.. I am not tough at all.. but I am trying to be.. I used to describe myself as a cactus.. and I still do think I am.. A cactus that look scary and ugly from the outside.. but might be gentle from the inside.. A cactus that might hurt some1 is you come too close.. but in the same times, without you realizing it, I might get hurt too? However, I do hope to be as strong as a cactus.. one that can withstand hot sun, strong wind... and one that are proud to be called as a cactus..
If you think smile is a sign of happiness.. think again.. Again.. if you think cry is a sense of sadness.. it might not be entirely correct.. Laugh alone does not entirely represent happy.. what more smile.. Again, without tears.. it does not mean that one is not sad.. right?