When you are expecting something and you get nothing.. it will be huge de-motivation.. right? wel.. I know how you feel.. whn you start to expect something.. and whn expectation not met, you will only end up with disappointment.. I know how it felt.. and that is why I tried not to expect anything.. regardless of how much I have put in.. but the truth is, somehow.. I will stil be expecting something.. or I will stil wish for something deep down in my heart.. which I know very wel that it will not be possible.. sound kinda irrational.. but.. you need to dream to know what you wan.. and to fight for wat you wan right? and hence, if i start dreaming.. does it mean that.. I have stopped expecting some? does it mean that.. I will stop all the disappointment? if ya.. should I really stopped dreaming? some realistic dreams.. some achievable dreams.. maybe it's wat that i need? but.. you know.. at times, my dreams don't really about me alone.. and whn it's not, I will not know what is achievable.. something that i think can be achieved might not be what is true.. right?
ok.. I have to admit.. I am kinda emo for the day.. so.. I'm really sorry if I've caused you (reader) to feel emo... I was told that bad emotion will spread around.. so.. I guess the best way is to lock myself in my room.. and try to settle this on my own.. and whn I'm emo.. most of the time, i will refuse to answer any calls.. I don really know why.. until yesterday.. I was emo.. but I take up the call.. which was very obvious it was a huge mistake. The caller (no.. i'm not gonna tell is who.. but let's assumed it's a he) was in a good mood.. and was trying to cheer me up.. but in the end.. I soft of pissed him off.. he expect me to do something.. to feel bit better.. and whn expectation not met.. he was not so happy.. --> disappointed.. but the truth is.. I was trying my best not to expect anything.. and trying to do so.. it is never an easy job.. maybe that was wat that causes me to be emo in the first place.. but whn i started to expect this little bit.. I felt a big bang.. and the glimpse of "hope" was shut down immediately.. and ya.. I know it was a huge mistake to take the call.. but what u might not know was.. it is this hope was makes me feel so.... .. I don't blame you.. I blame myself for taking the call.. making this worse.. I blame myself.. for I can't control my emotion and affect ppl around me.. but you know.. it is never an easy job to wear a mask and walk around.. I need a place.. a corner to be myself.. where.. there is no mask needed.. and I guess.. I made some bad choices.. and I know now.. and this is y I am at the worst mood possible.. but I guess.. this is just a part of life that i need to go through.. again..
and this is the harm of expectation.. if.. it went the wrong way.. but we can never noe how wrong or how right it will go.. so should i stop expecting things.. and maybe.. it someway, stop all these disappointment that causes all these "pain".. or I shld just live with it? I know well that i can't tell out wat i expect.. because.. it might just cause others to feel pressure.. and this is not something i will be proud of.. I guess.. in some point of life.. we will face such issue.. it's my call.. and let's just see how things go..
This is a song that I like alot.. and I can't help it but listening to it over and over again.. funny right?