way back to reality..

I guess I have been dreaming all these while.. you know.. the type of typical country gal pondering and dreaming of something huge.. wanting to "save" the world.. but ultimately.. only wishes to save herself from the ugly side of the world.. hoping and praying that she can always remain in the wonders of the good side of the world? wel.. it is time to wake up and find myself back to the reality.. I know.. I am a gal that is highly insecure.. I can't help it but wonder tones of possibilities.. some might sound not logical.. but maybe in some sense.. it makes me feel better.. but.. I guess I can never run away from the truth.. ya.. I know Jon once told me.. the truth can be ugly.. and.. some truth are meant not to be reveal.. for the best of both parties.. I know.. but do you know that it is also true to say that if I can accept you.. I will accept the true you.. and not the one that I wishes you to be.. because you are who you are.. I rather you hurt me now than to find out some hidden lies ( or should I say some white lies ) one day in the future..

The reality is.. life is never fair.. when you started to treasure something so much so that you are not willing to let go.. maybe it is time for you to let it go.. for the good of both party.. I need to face the reality that.. regardless of how much have been given out or sacrifices.. I guess.. it will only be regarded as a foolish act one day.. if it is not being appreciated.. I know I did nothing wrong.. but I guess one day.. maybe another party will have the same thought too.. because things can be deceiving when it comes to wat have been seen.. heard.. felt.. as opposed to what is called as "the truth".. Of all skills I've learn throughout my whole degree.. reflection and justification are of the best use.. I know not many will back me up.. but don't you think that wat is the truth.. might not be that important.. as it is how you justify it as the "truth" that matters the most? Reflection.. is one skill that not many mastered. Only through reflection you will learn what have you done wrong.. and avoid history from repeating .. ..
Still.. I can't help it but wonder.. what have I done wrong.. or should I rephrase it to.. What more can I do to make it right?

The outside world ....外面的世界

I know I won't be able to update my blog as frequent as I used to be).. because.. I final exam is around the corner and in the same time, I need to attend interview (do wish me all the best!!).. However, I guess I still need to update some nice songs that I came across lately as .. heh.. how can I not share great songs right? but.. I have to say.. most of the songs I listen to are chinese songs ( to be more precise, mandarin songs).. those who don't really know chinese.. you know wat.. there's no harm listening to these songs.. just like I used to listen to Japanese songs without knowing what they sang.. but the rhythm somehow touched me too..

Well, Karen Mok.. she is very much famous with her long sexy legs.. but somehow..her style of conveying her songs.. is very much unique too.. the first time when you listen to her song.. you might not like it..but if you listen it with your heart.. all alone.. in the middle of the night.. or maybe when you are very much stress.. this is one song that will make you feel better..

I know in days ( oh ya.. I just realised it is DAYS instead of MONTHS).. my degree life will come to an end... and I will have to join the working world whether I like it or not.. The truth is.. it is a mixed feeling.. I am eager to work.. because I want to learn as much as I can..while I have the chance.. yet.. being way too comfortable at my own zone.. I am reluctant to step out of this zone .. where study life seems to have less things to worry about.. but.. this is life.. where this is a path that I need to go through.. because.. one fine day, maybe 5 years later.. when I looked back.. I want to be proud of myself for taking this very step to step out of my comfort zone to a path that is full of challenges.. and able to go through all of these with pride!

Wish me best of luck would you?!

In the mean time.. enjoy this nice song!!

莫 文蔚(Karen Mok)-外面的世界 ( The outside world)

AMei Vs Kelly Clarkson

After so long.. I dunno that these songs can still touched me so dearly.. I guess this is the power of songs.. when you are not at the best of your mood.. listening to all these songs.. without much doubt.. your tears will starts dripping down.. funny right? I guess maybe somehow.. I feel what she sang.. or maybe she sang out wat I felt? or maybe in some sense.. it is true to say that no human being is a robot that feel nothing.. I do feel tired, sad and emo..not always but I do have all these feelings.. however, I guess you will not find all these in me.. If I ever have the chance.. I will go for A mei's concert.. and I will bring my mom along..





ok.. I know some don't really know chinese and don really listen to all these songs.. a similar song will be

My Version of Grooming Tips

THIS IS FOR ADVERTORIAL PURPOSE!!

Well, we know very well that grooming is one important thing right? I mean.. heh.. there are people that even send pets for grooming.. which.. if we human being doesn't groom.. wat does it makes us? worst than animal? ok.. I guess I did go way too serious d.. but the basic thing that we should at least do is to bath ( to keep us clean and smell good right?).. but the thing is.. even after you bath.. with this kinda weather where is can really "kill" us just by standing under the sunlight for more than half an hour, I am sure that no matter how long you bath.. you might just end up feeling extremely sticky.. and the smell.. oh my.. that will be a huge nightmare if you intended to impress someone but ended up parking somewhere so far away from the nice restaurant.. the thought of that might ..can be a huge nightmare d right? but.. I guess this can really come in handy and might just save all the trouble.. introducing...

Adidas Action 3 !!

ok.. the picture illustrated is mainly for women.. with 6 different types of choices (not to worry guys.. there are also the mysterious black type for the men - 6 different choices too!) , but generally, they are antiperspirant spray with 0% alcohol and anti-whitening. For your info, alcohol is one thing that should be avoided because it can caused your "initially" white shirt to be "colorful".. colorful as in the part that you sprayed.. together with some sweat.. it can caused your white shirt turn into yellow.. ok.. maybe you don believe in me.. you can try it out.. after sometime, I am pretty sure it will happen.. it's a matter of time..

ok.. end of the story about grooming tips.. I have some really nice show to show to you guys..

Currently,the famous Project Alpha Season 2 is the trendy talks among people.. .. ok.. you don't really realised it? it's ok.. I have episode 1,2 and 3 to share with you.. but too bad for the time being I can only get hold of the 1st episode.. but not to worry.. I will upload the other videos soon.. stay tune til wednesday k?

Episode 1

Episode 2





Episode 3

Project Alpha Season 2 is presented by Adidas Action 3 and supported by P1 and MAS.

.. and You know very well that you MIND!! ..

oh ya.. I'm sure no matter how "generous" you are.. I'm pretty sure you will mind.. right? but what do you mind ?? ok.. well.. I was in the library waiting for my cousin ( mind you that I have to wait for 4 hours). .and just when I was half asleep.. I realised a guy kept going out of the computer lab and he was on phone.. and I guess he must be talking to his "sayang" { ok ok.. I know I'm kepo (busy body) but not to the extend that I will purposely listen to what he talks.. but I simply can't help it!!--> He talks way too loud to the extend that I feel like going to him and "SHHHHHH"..as I guess he might have forgotten that we are in the library.. but heh.. how can I miss such entertainment whn I am rotting in the library right?} and He goes like " heh sayang .. .. you are embarassing me... you should have trust me.. check my emails.. and dunno what ex ... and.. " sorry gals and guys.. He was practically speaking Indonesian.. and all I can pick up are this much.. but all that I understood was that.. his gf was checking through his emails and saw some emails which I think was 5 years and I guess she got so jealous and did some crazy stuff that makes him kind of upset.

Ok.. end of story.. but What I got was.. well, you know you mind and why do you went to check up on him? is it because you still don't trust him? or is it all that he did still failed to gain your trust? I mean.. heh.. don ask me to trust when you still failed to gain my trust right? You can't expect someone to trust you when you failed to convince the other party that you are trustworthy right? I know many couples that mind about the history of their "partner".. but.. one thing for sure.. you can't possibly change what that had happened right? what you can change is the futures .. If you are certain that history will hunt you.. why bother to dig it up.. and makes both of you suffer? If you don't mind ( which is a total lie.. but to the extend that you are sure that it will not bothered both of you).. maybe you should try out by asking ..



Well, I know that one's history might project one's future behavoir.. and it might actually affect your relationship.. but.. if you actually think that this is might be your future.. I think it is best that you try to accept his history so that there will be a future for both of you.. There is no need to lie about it? becuase one day or another.. what ever that you are trying to run away from.. will hunt you back.. you don't believe me? try it out.. and let me know if it's true? because.. this is my lecturer told me.. faced it and you will realise that it is just one small obstacle of life.. right?

P.S: I guess someone should feel a huge relieve that I don't really mind that much of the history which affects the potential future.. right ? XP

What will you do?!

At some point of time.. you will and might be in some kinda dilemma.. I came across such news years ago.. a couple met some bad guys.. and the guys were bad enough to threaten the gal to have sex with them else they will kill the guy.. and to save him.. she agreed.. I have to solute to her.. I mean.. in such condition.. I have doubts on whether I will really do such thing.. I mean.. ok.. it might really seems to be such a huge deal.. but.. the effect after the "agreement".. have you thought of it? Will he still be with you? Will he gets angry with your decision? will both of u really work it through?

I mean.. if you were in such dilemma.. will you agree to it? let's see.. from a girl point of view.. you are doing it out of love.. it seems like there is nothing wrong with it.. you can save someone.. someone that ur treasured alot.. but from a guy's point of view.. will you mind after what that had happened? although she is doing it because she love you alot.. and doesn't wanna lose you.. but will you get through it.. and "appreciate" what she did? one day.. if similar situation happened, will you fight for her like wat she did? can both of u really work it through?

So many questions.. so little answer.. I got to know that.. most of guys.. in some point of time, are selfish.. they doesn't wan wat they have to be shared with others regardless of what.. but.. in this circumstances.. can you accept it? Ultimately, can you still love her the way you used to? Will this change everything? I guess it would be highly subjective.. but what I see it.. it will never be the same.. regardless of how you work things out? but is it really so? I dunno.. but it's something that i hope to get feedbck from..

..Expectation..

When you are expecting something and you get nothing.. it will be huge de-motivation.. right? wel.. I know how you feel.. whn you start to expect something.. and whn expectation not met, you will only end up with disappointment.. I know how it felt.. and that is why I tried not to expect anything.. regardless of how much I have put in.. but the truth is, somehow.. I will stil be expecting something.. or I will stil wish for something deep down in my heart.. which I know very wel that it will not be possible.. sound kinda irrational.. but.. you need to dream to know what you wan.. and to fight for wat you wan right? and hence, if i start dreaming.. does it mean that.. I have stopped expecting some? does it mean that.. I will stop all the disappointment? if ya.. should I really stopped dreaming? some realistic dreams.. some achievable dreams.. maybe it's wat that i need? but.. you know.. at times, my dreams don't really about me alone.. and whn it's not, I will not know what is achievable.. something that i think can be achieved might not be what is true.. right?

ok.. I have to admit.. I am kinda emo for the day.. so.. I'm really sorry if I've caused you (reader) to feel emo... I was told that bad emotion will spread around.. so.. I guess the best way is to lock myself in my room.. and try to settle this on my own.. and whn I'm emo.. most of the time, i will refuse to answer any calls.. I don really know why.. until yesterday.. I was emo.. but I take up the call.. which was very obvious it was a huge mistake. The caller (no.. i'm not gonna tell is who.. but let's assumed it's a he) was in a good mood.. and was trying to cheer me up.. but in the end.. I soft of pissed him off.. he expect me to do something.. to feel bit better.. and whn expectation not met.. he was not so happy.. --> disappointed.. but the truth is.. I was trying my best not to expect anything.. and trying to do so.. it is never an easy job.. maybe that was wat that causes me to be emo in the first place.. but whn i started to expect this little bit.. I felt a big bang.. and the glimpse of "hope" was shut down immediately.. and ya.. I know it was a huge mistake to take the call.. but what u might not know was.. it is this hope was makes me feel so.... .. I don't blame you.. I blame myself for taking the call.. making this worse.. I blame myself.. for I can't control my emotion and affect ppl around me.. but you know.. it is never an easy job to wear a mask and walk around.. I need a place.. a corner to be myself.. where.. there is no mask needed.. and I guess.. I made some bad choices.. and I know now.. and this is y I am at the worst mood possible.. but I guess.. this is just a part of life that i need to go through.. again..

and this is the harm of expectation.. if.. it went the wrong way.. but we can never noe how wrong or how right it will go.. so should i stop expecting things.. and maybe.. it someway, stop all these disappointment that causes all these "pain".. or I shld just live with it? I know well that i can't tell out wat i expect.. because.. it might just cause others to feel pressure.. and this is not something i will be proud of.. I guess.. in some point of life.. we will face such issue.. it's my call.. and let's just see how things go..

This is a song that I like alot.. and I can't help it but listening to it over and over again.. funny right?