如果我说。。习惯是个恐怖的东东。。 有谁会反对呢？
如果我说。。 习惯的一个人了。。 你。。 可以不来打乱这习惯吗？打乱了， 你会负责任的。。 担保。。不需要重新的让我适应这一个人的习惯吗？ 这。。 重复的习惯过程。。 真的有些累。。
如果，已经有了很久的一个习惯。。 你会为了不知的未来而心甘情愿的被打乱吗？
我不知。。真的不知。。 我知道的是。。 习惯需要时间。。 信任也需要时间。。
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Heaven or hell.. your call..
They say EQ is equally important .. or maybe much more important than IQ.. somehow, I have to agree with this saying.. why? .. Well, you imagine.. a land that is build with much love.. where every single piece of the land.. you worked hard to make sure it looks lovely.. and nice.. you build it with love, time, care.. and it is finally as lovely and as heavenly as you can imagine..
有人说过， 沉默是金。。 是。。 至少沉默可以把伤害减为最低。。
有人说。。 脾气像是龙卷风，它来得快，去得也快。。 可，它所造成的伤害却不能用逗留的时间来衡量。。 是与否。。 就由您决定。。
However, when a tornado landed.. and there is no other way that you can
avoid it.. regardless of how much you tried to care for this tornado..
or even tried to stop it.. somehow.. it ruins every single piece of the
land that you worked so hard to build it.. yes.. it comes and it goes..
it might be there fore .. less than an hour.. .. but the ripple effect
of the tornado.. it will take days, months or even years to repair every
single piece of the puzzle.. and even if it can be repaired.. do you
possibly think.. it will still look like how it used to be ?? Well, I
know it sounds horrible.. but, really, to you, i mean, what does words
means right? But, do step back and think.. the ripple effect of that..
it will not fade away that easily wouldn't it..
有人说过， 沉默是金。。 是。。 至少沉默可以把伤害减为最低。。
有人说。。 脾气像是龙卷风，它来得快，去得也快。。 可，它所造成的伤害却不能用逗留的时间来衡量。。 是与否。。 就由您决定。。
Saturday, September 7, 2013
We are growing apart.. arent we?!
With technology advancement.. I have to agree, it connects you with those that are far away from you.. You will be able to know what's going around him/ her through facebook, twitter, whataps.. and so you are thankful that we no longer need to stay connected relying on postman.. because with a click on buttons on your ipad.. or even you phone, you will be able to say "hi" to that someone who is few hundred kilometers away from you.. Yes, I understand how you feel..
But, please allow me to share the following few photos and you tell me.. these few scenarios do not apply to you..
However, with technology advancement, do you realised something .. you tend to stay connected with that someone that is apart from you.. but somehow, you have started to "ignore" those that are around you.. like your family.. your loved ones .. or even those that means alot.. or used to means alot to you. You don believed me? Well, share with me, and please be honest, when you are out dining with your family.. or your loved one, please tell me that you will not take out your phone.. and start playing games, listening to musics.. or even start chatting with others ( whether it is through fb, twitter or whataps.. ) .. Ok.. you might not be doing that.. but do you spend most of your time looking at your phone more than you look at those around you.. and do you spend most of your time.. talking to them rather than your virtual friend? Or maybe, when you reached home, the first thing you do, is not to sit down and talk to those around you.. but rather, you will on your laptop/ phone.. and start to stare at it until you are tired and heads down to bed..
Yes.. the current trend is.. technology advancement connects you with those far away from you.. but somehow, drives you away from those around you.. Sad.. but true.. Somehow, it feels as though, you are taking those that are around you for granted.. I wonder, one fine day, when those that are around you no longer around you, will you be able to stand straight and say you have always been there for him/ her and you have no regrets in your life?? I know I wont be able to do that..
So boys and girls, ladies and gentleman.. please, appreciate those that are willing and still do willing to stay around you.. please dont take them for granted.. please prove me wrong and tells me technology advancement does not drives you away from those that are around you.. ..
But, please allow me to share the following few photos and you tell me.. these few scenarios do not apply to you..
However, with technology advancement, do you realised something .. you tend to stay connected with that someone that is apart from you.. but somehow, you have started to "ignore" those that are around you.. like your family.. your loved ones .. or even those that means alot.. or used to means alot to you. You don believed me? Well, share with me, and please be honest, when you are out dining with your family.. or your loved one, please tell me that you will not take out your phone.. and start playing games, listening to musics.. or even start chatting with others ( whether it is through fb, twitter or whataps.. ) .. Ok.. you might not be doing that.. but do you spend most of your time looking at your phone more than you look at those around you.. and do you spend most of your time.. talking to them rather than your virtual friend? Or maybe, when you reached home, the first thing you do, is not to sit down and talk to those around you.. but rather, you will on your laptop/ phone.. and start to stare at it until you are tired and heads down to bed..
Yes.. the current trend is.. technology advancement connects you with those far away from you.. but somehow, drives you away from those around you.. Sad.. but true.. Somehow, it feels as though, you are taking those that are around you for granted.. I wonder, one fine day, when those that are around you no longer around you, will you be able to stand straight and say you have always been there for him/ her and you have no regrets in your life?? I know I wont be able to do that..
So boys and girls, ladies and gentleman.. please, appreciate those that are willing and still do willing to stay around you.. please dont take them for granted.. please prove me wrong and tells me technology advancement does not drives you away from those that are around you.. ..
Thursday, August 8, 2013
沉默是。。 金？？
这样的沉默。。这样的。。 自由。。 是否是你梦寐以求的呢？ 如果是，那，或许。。放手不完全错了吧。。
或许你我真的尝试过，或许正如某人所说的“ 有些人在他人犹豫时，您会拼命的证明他人是错了。。可当一切不是个挑战时，你就会开始觉得乏味而开始松手了。。 ” 可悲。。 但，却又万分的实在。。
珍惜这多年的时光。。 可，等待的过程却是万般的煎熬。。 或许不曾等待的你。。 不会明了。。 这，我理解。。 可有时这用这煎熬换来的却是一场又一场的失望。。 或许，我确实还存有些期待所以换来的是种我不被重视的感觉。。 有种我不在您标榜上的感觉。。 或许又是我的缺乏安全感惹的祸。。可。。让我们好好地想想吧。。 这些年里，真正相处的时间。。 或许只有少于十分一的时间。。 在这段日子里， 煎熬的日子是不是多余快乐的呢？ 那， 如果是， 那，请您放过我。。 也放过自己吧。。 这或许不会是错的做法。。 因为，我真的开始累了。。 我，没有力气为自己辩驳，没力气吵。。 只有一方面的听。。 尚若你可以看看我。。 仔细的观察。。 或许，你会看见我眼里的伤害。。 从我的回应察觉“累”。。 可，这只能成为单方面的“如果”。。
我，沉默不是默认，不是认同。。 这是种忍痛的方式，这是种自我折磨的方式。。 这是，我疗伤的方式。。 因为，我尝试让情绪沉淀。。 这或许是我开始放手的方式。。
或许你我真的尝试过，或许正如某人所说的“ 有些人在他人犹豫时，您会拼命的证明他人是错了。。可当一切不是个挑战时，你就会开始觉得乏味而开始松手了。。 ” 可悲。。 但，却又万分的实在。。
珍惜这多年的时光。。 可，等待的过程却是万般的煎熬。。 或许不曾等待的你。。 不会明了。。 这，我理解。。 可有时这用这煎熬换来的却是一场又一场的失望。。 或许，我确实还存有些期待所以换来的是种我不被重视的感觉。。 有种我不在您标榜上的感觉。。 或许又是我的缺乏安全感惹的祸。。可。。让我们好好地想想吧。。 这些年里，真正相处的时间。。 或许只有少于十分一的时间。。 在这段日子里， 煎熬的日子是不是多余快乐的呢？ 那， 如果是， 那，请您放过我。。 也放过自己吧。。 这或许不会是错的做法。。 因为，我真的开始累了。。 我，没有力气为自己辩驳，没力气吵。。 只有一方面的听。。 尚若你可以看看我。。 仔细的观察。。 或许，你会看见我眼里的伤害。。 从我的回应察觉“累”。。 可，这只能成为单方面的“如果”。。
我，沉默不是默认，不是认同。。 这是种忍痛的方式，这是种自我折磨的方式。。 这是，我疗伤的方式。。 因为，我尝试让情绪沉淀。。 这或许是我开始放手的方式。。
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Story of its own..
Yes.. if you are a song lover.. you will realized.. deep down inside.. there is a song that belongs to you.. and somehow.. there is a story behind the song..
Somehow, when I am left alone.. tones of memories will flash back.. and some of the songs will somehow bring back long lost memory.. How could I forgot this particular memory of mine.. and I started to google.. with the hope that that particular news that my friend sent to me few years back was just a stupid joke.. and I can somehow see his happy photos.. Deep down inside.. I know the chances to even get a photo of him.. is as good as nil..
Yeah.. I wished back then.. technology is as advanced as now. However, all the memories.. can only be stored in my memory.. which I failed to recall most of it.. I remembered I read it somewhere that stated this " Memory will fade.. you might not remember what happened, but you will somehow remember the feelings.. " So true.. I can't recall what had happened.. but the bitterness.. somehow.. kills me from within..
有人说， 善忘的人或许会忘了事与故。。 但，却会记得当下的感受。。 或许， 从前的我尽了力去忘记所有和他有关的事。。 当我终于做到了，却莫名的好想记得一切。。 如此的矛盾。。 模糊的记忆只记得我带给您的伤害。。只记得您因为我而远离了伤心地。。可那段时间你却还不忘在特别的日子里在转送您的祝福。。 只是后来发生了什么。。 我真的不晓得什么事与物将您永远的带上了天国。。 我只记得，曾近有个您成了我生命中的过客，人说“生命无常”。。 在还能珍惜当下时。。 请好好珍惜！！您可真的不知何时您会丧失了“下次” 的机会。。
Somehow, when I am left alone.. tones of memories will flash back.. and some of the songs will somehow bring back long lost memory.. How could I forgot this particular memory of mine.. and I started to google.. with the hope that that particular news that my friend sent to me few years back was just a stupid joke.. and I can somehow see his happy photos.. Deep down inside.. I know the chances to even get a photo of him.. is as good as nil..
Yeah.. I wished back then.. technology is as advanced as now. However, all the memories.. can only be stored in my memory.. which I failed to recall most of it.. I remembered I read it somewhere that stated this " Memory will fade.. you might not remember what happened, but you will somehow remember the feelings.. " So true.. I can't recall what had happened.. but the bitterness.. somehow.. kills me from within..
有人说， 善忘的人或许会忘了事与故。。 但，却会记得当下的感受。。 或许， 从前的我尽了力去忘记所有和他有关的事。。 当我终于做到了，却莫名的好想记得一切。。 如此的矛盾。。 模糊的记忆只记得我带给您的伤害。。只记得您因为我而远离了伤心地。。可那段时间你却还不忘在特别的日子里在转送您的祝福。。 只是后来发生了什么。。 我真的不晓得什么事与物将您永远的带上了天国。。 我只记得，曾近有个您成了我生命中的过客，人说“生命无常”。。 在还能珍惜当下时。。 请好好珍惜！！您可真的不知何时您会丧失了“下次” 的机会。。
Saturday, July 27, 2013
时间。。 永远。。 不留人。。
时间，永远都是关键。。 不要告诉我。。 时间，不重要。。 重要的事感觉？？ 那，有任何人能确保，感觉永远都处于保鲜期。。它永远都不会过期吗？ 太早或太晚。。永远都不对。。
时间，可以冲淡伤感，也可以冲淡感情。。 它也能让您看清自己。。 时间，让我看清他人。。 只可惜。。 我却无法了解自己。。 如果我永远把他人看得比我重要。。 那，谁会重视我呢？ 谁会为我着想呢？
时间一秒一秒的过。。 已有一年我荒废了这部落格。。 这一年里，我几乎没了自我？ 我喜欢些什么。。 我几乎都记不起了。。 多么的讽刺。。 如果我说这段时间里。。 我的世界是绕着他人的转。。是时候我醒醒了~！因为他人是不会为你停留。。或许时间开始让我清醒。。 我是时候找回自我了~！
时间，可以冲淡伤感，也可以冲淡感情。。 它也能让您看清自己。。 时间，让我看清他人。。 只可惜。。 我却无法了解自己。。 如果我永远把他人看得比我重要。。 那，谁会重视我呢？ 谁会为我着想呢？
时间一秒一秒的过。。 已有一年我荒废了这部落格。。 这一年里，我几乎没了自我？ 我喜欢些什么。。 我几乎都记不起了。。 多么的讽刺。。 如果我说这段时间里。。 我的世界是绕着他人的转。。是时候我醒醒了~！因为他人是不会为你停留。。或许时间开始让我清醒。。 我是时候找回自我了~！
Sunday, July 8, 2012
你不知道的事。。
有这么听说过， 人如果不会自我保护。。 那你只有注定这辈子受到无比的伤害。。 除非你真的什么都不在乎，什么都无所谓。。 我说，自我保护的定义真的很难拿捏吗？自我保护，会否意味着一定要伤害周围的人才能百分百的保护到自己吗？
我，或许真的是温室花吧。。我不懂辨别。。不懂如何强词夺理。。不懂如何将话语表达。。我只知道。。 我必须将杀伤力减为最低。。但，这意味着我将一一将这伤狠狠地话在身上。。 这意味着血淋淋的血一滴一滴的向下流。。这意味着大口大口的将泪水往肚里吞。。
我说。。我是仙人掌。。 身体长满刺的我，从表面看来早已向世界宣布没人敢靠近的圣地。。 这是专属我的地盘。。 没人敢触碰的圣地。。 说穿了，其实，他人都因为常满刺的表面吓跑的他们。。同时，也保护了我自己吧。。 因为我深知，没人到达，就代表不会有所伤害。。 因为别人不小心的刺伤。。其实伤在我身可是双倍的疼。。因为那刺会往我身上更深的刺下。。然后狠狠地从我身上拔出。。 话说穿了。。如果有那么一天，这些刺，因某人而拔下了。。 我知道，痛苦将发生了。。 我没有法子阻止伤害的发生。。 因为如果，这位他狠狠地画下一刀。。这道伤口将赤裸裸的留下疤痕。。 这疤痕将是前所未有的痛。。 而他，将无法想象这一举一动所带来的伤害。。
是的。。 我很累了。。 我没法子一直的被伤害。。 我没法子停止泪水在深夜里的滑落。。 我没法子不去自我委屈。。 好愚蠢的做法。。 我没法子自我辩驳。。 因为， 我知道，话还没到口中，泪水已不停地滑落。。因为我知道，就算我能辩驳。。 伤害已经造成了。。 结局改变得了吗？
是的， 我。。 终于察觉，我。。 是孤独的。。 我。。 已经越陷越深了。。 但，我还能及时抽身吗？ 我是否应该喊停了？ 我。。 不知道。。 但明显的是。。 我真的真的泪得很累很累了。。 你。。是不会明了的。。 因为。。 你从不认为有错。。又怎能学习，怎能明了呢？？ 我或许。。 应该。。 或许。 。可以开始有所保留了吧。。 或许。。
我，或许真的是温室花吧。。我不懂辨别。。不懂如何强词夺理。。不懂如何将话语表达。。我只知道。。 我必须将杀伤力减为最低。。但，这意味着我将一一将这伤狠狠地话在身上。。 这意味着血淋淋的血一滴一滴的向下流。。这意味着大口大口的将泪水往肚里吞。。
我说。。我是仙人掌。。 身体长满刺的我，从表面看来早已向世界宣布没人敢靠近的圣地。。 这是专属我的地盘。。 没人敢触碰的圣地。。 说穿了，其实，他人都因为常满刺的表面吓跑的他们。。同时，也保护了我自己吧。。 因为我深知，没人到达，就代表不会有所伤害。。 因为别人不小心的刺伤。。其实伤在我身可是双倍的疼。。因为那刺会往我身上更深的刺下。。然后狠狠地从我身上拔出。。 话说穿了。。如果有那么一天，这些刺，因某人而拔下了。。 我知道，痛苦将发生了。。 我没有法子阻止伤害的发生。。 因为如果，这位他狠狠地画下一刀。。这道伤口将赤裸裸的留下疤痕。。 这疤痕将是前所未有的痛。。 而他，将无法想象这一举一动所带来的伤害。。
是的。。 我很累了。。 我没法子一直的被伤害。。 我没法子停止泪水在深夜里的滑落。。 我没法子不去自我委屈。。 好愚蠢的做法。。 我没法子自我辩驳。。 因为， 我知道，话还没到口中，泪水已不停地滑落。。因为我知道，就算我能辩驳。。 伤害已经造成了。。 结局改变得了吗？
是的， 我。。 终于察觉，我。。 是孤独的。。 我。。 已经越陷越深了。。 但，我还能及时抽身吗？ 我是否应该喊停了？ 我。。 不知道。。 但明显的是。。 我真的真的泪得很累很累了。。 你。。是不会明了的。。 因为。。 你从不认为有错。。又怎能学习，怎能明了呢？？ 我或许。。 应该。。 或许。 。可以开始有所保留了吧。。 或许。。
Thursday, January 12, 2012
暧昧。。。
人说，暧昧是最完美的阶段。。似有似无。。有种隐藏着的刺激感。。您我都不知下秒对方会做些什么。。 可，真的如此吗？
如果能一直保存着这样的新鲜感。。那多好。。 如果我说。。人老了，只想平平淡淡的度过一辈子。。就算是没有什么刺激感。。这样的平淡，接受的了吗？暧昧真的那么重要吗？偶尔的回味。。 不是拿来比较。。就只是傻笑一下。。然后淡然的度过这辈子。。 原来真的不简单。。
一辈子。。听来好远好远。。 但，它，有多远？我不晓得。。 我只知道，我需要一个因我而接受我的。。不会介意我花了多少时间去陪伴。。只知道，当我需要时，会义无反顾的在左右。。 只可惜，这样的人，找到了吗？？
是的，时间久了。。当蒙蒙的雾气开始过了。。 缺点优点一一都开始显露出来了。。 所有的好。。 开始蒙蒙了。。 而坏的开始战胜好的。。 这，我经历过，只可惜。。 我没法，没有勇气。。没有毅力坚持到底。。 或许真的是时候宣布失败。。 因为我已失去最原始的我。。 或许，当最基本的信赖都没法为我辩驳。。 我真的寻找不到坚持的理由了。。 放手。。或许对您是种解脱。。 曾经，我奋不顾身的往前冲，如今遍体鳞伤的我，又有什么力气什么毅力。。什么理由继续呢？
我知道。。每个人的最深处都有把隐藏着的刺，因为这，导致您可能是，所谓的仙人掌，或是所谓的刺猬。。 当潜意识转告您，是时候自我保护了。。仙人掌他，会义无反顾的将自己围了起来。。 宣告“请你远离我”。。 因为她知道，任何人的靠近，将让身上的刺一一的往自己刺得更深更痛。。 她，会默默的掉泪。。默默的将一切的苦往肚里吞。。因为她深知话到了口中还没道出。。泪水一定会不听话的滑落下。。因为如此，或许以世隔绝绝对不是件坏事。。最起码，你我都不会让外来的话语再次伤得不能自拔。。 最起码你我都知道。。这是杀伤力最低的自我保护。。
刺猬，永远都无法了解仙人掌的伟大。。 永远都处于自我中心点出发。。 潜意识发出自我保护的讯息，只会让刺猬您更慌，因而让您无法自拔。。毫无考虑的狠狠刺伤您的左右。。是的，这是您向所有人宣告您受伤了的讯息。。 好可怜您左右的身旁人。。 好无辜的必须承受您一一发出的刺。。 好痛好痛。。 但，他们有权利反抗吗？这样的片体鳞伤。。 好无辜，好无奈。。
最可悲不过的是当这样的刺猬，遇上了这样的仙人掌。。 可悲的仙人掌，您，还好吗？真的还好吗？我知道也明了您的痛，您的无奈，您的伤。。 我真的明了。。 可，一言不发，未免太委屈了。。 刺猬他向全世界宣告他的伤。。却忘了宣告他为您带来的伤。。他让全世界都把矛头指向您，认定您是罪人。。毫无反抗的您真的还好吗？我知道，仙人掌您的苦处。。 您的一言不发并不是默认。。 只是在自我保护。。 我知道，尽管鼓起了所有的勇气，话，如果真的道出了，又能改变什么？ 您可能最终，将伤得更深。。 不是吗？
渐行渐远的旅程，眼前真的一片迷茫往后一望却一片漆黑。。这到底是什么地方？为何这里没有熟悉的面孔？这。。到底是谁？是否一直在原点？该继续前走吗？还能前走吗？或许，只有眼泪知道。。
如果能一直保存着这样的新鲜感。。那多好。。 如果我说。。人老了，只想平平淡淡的度过一辈子。。就算是没有什么刺激感。。这样的平淡，接受的了吗？暧昧真的那么重要吗？偶尔的回味。。 不是拿来比较。。就只是傻笑一下。。然后淡然的度过这辈子。。 原来真的不简单。。
一辈子。。听来好远好远。。 但，它，有多远？我不晓得。。 我只知道，我需要一个因我而接受我的。。不会介意我花了多少时间去陪伴。。只知道，当我需要时，会义无反顾的在左右。。 只可惜，这样的人，找到了吗？？
是的，时间久了。。当蒙蒙的雾气开始过了。。 缺点优点一一都开始显露出来了。。 所有的好。。 开始蒙蒙了。。 而坏的开始战胜好的。。 这，我经历过，只可惜。。 我没法，没有勇气。。没有毅力坚持到底。。 或许真的是时候宣布失败。。 因为我已失去最原始的我。。 或许，当最基本的信赖都没法为我辩驳。。 我真的寻找不到坚持的理由了。。 放手。。或许对您是种解脱。。 曾经，我奋不顾身的往前冲，如今遍体鳞伤的我，又有什么力气什么毅力。。什么理由继续呢？
我知道。。每个人的最深处都有把隐藏着的刺，因为这，导致您可能是，所谓的仙人掌，或是所谓的刺猬。。 当潜意识转告您，是时候自我保护了。。仙人掌他，会义无反顾的将自己围了起来。。 宣告“请你远离我”。。 因为她知道，任何人的靠近，将让身上的刺一一的往自己刺得更深更痛。。 她，会默默的掉泪。。默默的将一切的苦往肚里吞。。因为她深知话到了口中还没道出。。泪水一定会不听话的滑落下。。因为如此，或许以世隔绝绝对不是件坏事。。最起码，你我都不会让外来的话语再次伤得不能自拔。。 最起码你我都知道。。这是杀伤力最低的自我保护。。
刺猬，永远都无法了解仙人掌的伟大。。 永远都处于自我中心点出发。。 潜意识发出自我保护的讯息，只会让刺猬您更慌，因而让您无法自拔。。毫无考虑的狠狠刺伤您的左右。。是的，这是您向所有人宣告您受伤了的讯息。。 好可怜您左右的身旁人。。 好无辜的必须承受您一一发出的刺。。 好痛好痛。。 但，他们有权利反抗吗？这样的片体鳞伤。。 好无辜，好无奈。。
最可悲不过的是当这样的刺猬，遇上了这样的仙人掌。。 可悲的仙人掌，您，还好吗？真的还好吗？我知道也明了您的痛，您的无奈，您的伤。。 我真的明了。。 可，一言不发，未免太委屈了。。 刺猬他向全世界宣告他的伤。。却忘了宣告他为您带来的伤。。他让全世界都把矛头指向您，认定您是罪人。。毫无反抗的您真的还好吗？我知道，仙人掌您的苦处。。 您的一言不发并不是默认。。 只是在自我保护。。 我知道，尽管鼓起了所有的勇气，话，如果真的道出了，又能改变什么？ 您可能最终，将伤得更深。。 不是吗？
渐行渐远的旅程，眼前真的一片迷茫往后一望却一片漆黑。。这到底是什么地方？为何这里没有熟悉的面孔？这。。到底是谁？是否一直在原点？该继续前走吗？还能前走吗？或许，只有眼泪知道。。
Sunday, October 9, 2011
简单的我 ..
荒废已久的部落格。。 不好意识， 是我冷落了您。。 让我很自然的想，或许这完全不是件坏事。。 因为只有心情超差时，我才会有那时间理会您。。 谢谢您总是不离不弃的期待着我。。 总是能完全的接受最自然的我。。
很多时候， 我总会好奇的想，其实，我想要些什么。。 我能要些什么。。 梦想总是遥远的。。 当夜深宁静时。。静得寂寞不停的提醒您它的存在时。。 或许您才能确认一切的一切。。并不是那么的重要。。
如果有那么一天， 你带着期待的心情迎接这天的到来，虽然你清楚的知道你是多么的累，但，你还是提起了精神开心的开了车启程。。就因不太清醒，下车了不久。。真的不确认车门上锁了没而又得返回查查看而被大声的轰骂。。 所有的目光几乎都落在您身上。。 这时又被“要求马上做决定” 。。 然后您察觉路人开始放慢脚步观察这一切。。而您鸦雀无声的。。根本不知道该如何反应过来。。 还得微笑的说“冷静点。。 就你决定吧”。。 然后，突然察觉对方很快的走了。。 周围的人在看您的反应。。 您会跟着对方走吗？如果这一切发生在您身上， 或许您会开始一场无法收拾的惨剧。。 然后对方将一切错都往您身上抛。。 他，掉头就走，就没有再回头或是一句慰问的话语。。 留下您。。 委屈的留下眼泪。。 清楚的知道现在的情绪不稳根本不适合开车。。但，还是一边流着眼泪，一边擦着泪水，一边在尽您所能不要战抖的开车。。
我还能说些什么。。 只有一句 ” 委屈您了“。。 我清楚的知道。。 您当时的微笑只是为了阻止泪水的滑落。。我也知道您的沉默只代表着倒数时间正式开始。。 只是，我的了解又能代表什么呢？
我知道，您要的其实并不复杂。。 如果当下，所有的态度能温和一些，这不会是场收拾不了的惨剧。。 您想要的其实是场没有压力，轻松的外出。。 您想要的其实真的很简单。。 您只想。。 不那么的孤单。。 最起码，能暂时忘了寂寞。。能感觉到另一个在左右。。 就算是1分钟都好。。 但，看来您是时候醒醒了，这是场非常遥远的梦想。。 或许， 如果。。
很多时候， 我总会好奇的想，其实，我想要些什么。。 我能要些什么。。 梦想总是遥远的。。 当夜深宁静时。。静得寂寞不停的提醒您它的存在时。。 或许您才能确认一切的一切。。并不是那么的重要。。
如果有那么一天， 你带着期待的心情迎接这天的到来，虽然你清楚的知道你是多么的累，但，你还是提起了精神开心的开了车启程。。就因不太清醒，下车了不久。。真的不确认车门上锁了没而又得返回查查看而被大声的轰骂。。 所有的目光几乎都落在您身上。。 这时又被“要求马上做决定” 。。 然后您察觉路人开始放慢脚步观察这一切。。而您鸦雀无声的。。根本不知道该如何反应过来。。 还得微笑的说“冷静点。。 就你决定吧”。。 然后，突然察觉对方很快的走了。。 周围的人在看您的反应。。 您会跟着对方走吗？如果这一切发生在您身上， 或许您会开始一场无法收拾的惨剧。。 然后对方将一切错都往您身上抛。。 他，掉头就走，就没有再回头或是一句慰问的话语。。 留下您。。 委屈的留下眼泪。。 清楚的知道现在的情绪不稳根本不适合开车。。但，还是一边流着眼泪，一边擦着泪水，一边在尽您所能不要战抖的开车。。
我还能说些什么。。 只有一句 ” 委屈您了“。。 我清楚的知道。。 您当时的微笑只是为了阻止泪水的滑落。。我也知道您的沉默只代表着倒数时间正式开始。。 只是，我的了解又能代表什么呢？
我知道，您要的其实并不复杂。。 如果当下，所有的态度能温和一些，这不会是场收拾不了的惨剧。。 您想要的其实是场没有压力，轻松的外出。。 您想要的其实真的很简单。。 您只想。。 不那么的孤单。。 最起码，能暂时忘了寂寞。。能感觉到另一个在左右。。 就算是1分钟都好。。 但，看来您是时候醒醒了，这是场非常遥远的梦想。。 或许， 如果。。
Friday, August 19, 2011
如果有如果。。。If and only if..
如果真的有如果。。 或许一切都能重写。。 或许“折磨”这字眼不会浮现脑海中吧。。 或许，就是少了“如果”这两字眼吧。。 我们都太习惯了先入为主。。真的有点累了。。 现在的我，有点累。。 背负的或许不只是单方面的重量。。 扛得真的有点累。。 希望的是。。 能有个能歇歇的港口。。 这面具能收起。。 可以无需刻意的因为必须”服侍“而面对笑容。。 可以无需因感觉不到安全感而感到不安。。 这一切的一切。。 未免太重了。。 我抗得。。有点苦。。 刹那间这避风港模糊得让我分不清了。。 有种连辩驳的力气都没了。。 原来累得连说话的力气都没。。辩驳的能力都没了的感觉是如此。。 如果有天， 我看会今天，我会明了这委屈感，此时此刻的感觉。。 但，我所道出的一切。。 你明了吗？如果你真的能明了。。 如果真的有如果。。
Monday, April 4, 2011
给仙人掌的信
亲爱的仙人掌，
你是否尝试过。。有千言万语想说，可，话到了口中。。什么都道不出。。因为你害怕。。迟迟平伏不了的情绪又不听话的涌了出来。。连接着的泪又会花了妆。。 尝试过吗？我，不知该如何面对这样的我。。我痛得好无奈。。
如果有个贝壳，那该多好。。好希望能在此时就这样抽身的躲进这小小避风港。。就算无法完全躲得了100% 的伤害。。至少能将杀伤减为最低？这样的感觉，您明了吗？
仙人掌啊，这会是你一是隔绝的原因之一吗？因为您已伤的太重，重的您得将所有的刺往自己身上刺。。然后用这永久的痛来提醒您，不要再被伤害了吗？那，你是否也是受了精神上的伤了？因为，这是万般的折磨，万般的痛。。 是如此吗？
您永远崇拜的学徒上。
你是否尝试过。。有千言万语想说，可，话到了口中。。什么都道不出。。因为你害怕。。迟迟平伏不了的情绪又不听话的涌了出来。。连接着的泪又会花了妆。。 尝试过吗？我，不知该如何面对这样的我。。我痛得好无奈。。
如果有个贝壳，那该多好。。好希望能在此时就这样抽身的躲进这小小避风港。。就算无法完全躲得了100% 的伤害。。至少能将杀伤减为最低？这样的感觉，您明了吗？
仙人掌啊，这会是你一是隔绝的原因之一吗？因为您已伤的太重，重的您得将所有的刺往自己身上刺。。然后用这永久的痛来提醒您，不要再被伤害了吗？那，你是否也是受了精神上的伤了？因为，这是万般的折磨，万般的痛。。 是如此吗？
您永远崇拜的学徒上。
Sunday, April 3, 2011
亲爱的仙人掌..
亲爱的仙人掌，
我再次。。败给了时间，曾经，我天真的以为只要坚强点，只要穿上了防弹衣，我将会完整的走出。。。我以为，所有的情绪都会随着时间沉淀下。。能毫无感觉的将它摆放在无人察觉的一角。。可，它却在我毫无防范时一再的浮出。。无法沉淀的情绪，你有否了解？没法整理的心情，是如此的困扰，你又否能体谅？
仙人掌，我好仰慕您的勇敢，无论风吹雨打，您还是义无反顾的立正着。。。我了解您用尖利的刺保护着您，那我呢？一一的被刺伤，我快不能自我，快崩溃了。。是的，我怎么能再次与您比较呢？我，是那么的脆弱，是有血有肉。。任何的触碰都有可能伤害我。。更何况是言语的伤害呢，对吧？ 您是否也有经历过呢？ 那您又如何应对呢？硬碰硬吗？但，这只会注定让更多的人遍体鳞伤不是吗？所以，我选择沉默。。让所有的罪，所有的错，我一个人默认。。这样做，对吗？如果是对，那为何我感觉无比的委屈，无比的无奈，这情绪真的无法沉淀下。。为何这不听话的泪一直涌着来报道？您问我是否生气吗？我该怎么回答。。 生气吗？受伤更贴切吧！ 无法了解为何。。时间将这带到来。。 我，感觉上又回到原点。。终于了解为何这委屈感是如此的熟悉。。原来，所有的一切，又带我会到了原点。。仙人掌啊。。您经历过这一切吗？还是，因为您已经将自已一世隔绝了，所以我所道的一切，你已经没有感受了吗？那，可以教教我。。如何一是隔绝吗？我，真的泪得好累了。。
我已经没有能力带上面具面对一切了。。我知道最原本的我，是一个负担。。因为，我隐藏了好多的烦恼，好多的悲伤。。独自承受着。。好泪好累。。 单纯的以为，这样带着面具的我才会让别人快乐。。但我呢？我又在何处呢？有否有人注意过我眼底的顾虑。。我隐藏着的感受。。有人会否会意过呢？
仙人掌啊，我了解你在这世界有段时间了，会否能告诉我， 是不是所有的事和故，都会败给时间呢？是不是因为时间久了，大家都会累了，这一切都会裂了呢？ 是不是如此呢？
仙人掌啊，可否借我你那宽厚的肩膀靠靠？ 能否就紧紧的拥着我？我知道也了解，身上长满刺的您，会弄伤我，可，此时此刻的我，不就已遍体鳞伤了吗？多了这道伤口，有否有何差别呢。。对吗？就告诉我可以，好吗？
永远崇拜您的徒弟上
我再次。。败给了时间，曾经，我天真的以为只要坚强点，只要穿上了防弹衣，我将会完整的走出。。。我以为，所有的情绪都会随着时间沉淀下。。能毫无感觉的将它摆放在无人察觉的一角。。可，它却在我毫无防范时一再的浮出。。无法沉淀的情绪，你有否了解？没法整理的心情，是如此的困扰，你又否能体谅？
仙人掌，我好仰慕您的勇敢，无论风吹雨打，您还是义无反顾的立正着。。。我了解您用尖利的刺保护着您，那我呢？一一的被刺伤，我快不能自我，快崩溃了。。是的，我怎么能再次与您比较呢？我，是那么的脆弱，是有血有肉。。任何的触碰都有可能伤害我。。更何况是言语的伤害呢，对吧？ 您是否也有经历过呢？ 那您又如何应对呢？硬碰硬吗？但，这只会注定让更多的人遍体鳞伤不是吗？所以，我选择沉默。。让所有的罪，所有的错，我一个人默认。。这样做，对吗？如果是对，那为何我感觉无比的委屈，无比的无奈，这情绪真的无法沉淀下。。为何这不听话的泪一直涌着来报道？您问我是否生气吗？我该怎么回答。。 生气吗？受伤更贴切吧！ 无法了解为何。。时间将这带到来。。 我，感觉上又回到原点。。终于了解为何这委屈感是如此的熟悉。。原来，所有的一切，又带我会到了原点。。仙人掌啊。。您经历过这一切吗？还是，因为您已经将自已一世隔绝了，所以我所道的一切，你已经没有感受了吗？那，可以教教我。。如何一是隔绝吗？我，真的泪得好累了。。
我已经没有能力带上面具面对一切了。。我知道最原本的我，是一个负担。。因为，我隐藏了好多的烦恼，好多的悲伤。。独自承受着。。好泪好累。。 单纯的以为，这样带着面具的我才会让别人快乐。。但我呢？我又在何处呢？有否有人注意过我眼底的顾虑。。我隐藏着的感受。。有人会否会意过呢？
仙人掌啊，我了解你在这世界有段时间了，会否能告诉我， 是不是所有的事和故，都会败给时间呢？是不是因为时间久了，大家都会累了，这一切都会裂了呢？ 是不是如此呢？
仙人掌啊，可否借我你那宽厚的肩膀靠靠？ 能否就紧紧的拥着我？我知道也了解，身上长满刺的您，会弄伤我，可，此时此刻的我，不就已遍体鳞伤了吗？多了这道伤口，有否有何差别呢。。对吗？就告诉我可以，好吗？
永远崇拜您的徒弟上
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Where are you~~?!
This is a question directed to myself.. after a nervous breakdown.. I thought.. I will never experience this ever again.. but the truth is, I actually foresee that I will be expecting this again.. how long more will I go through all these? That is a question.. yet to be answered.. it depends on.. when I will realised.. where am I.. what a question right? Well, have you ever experienced this.. you know where you are.. physically.. but when you are way too devoted into something.. that, at that point of time, you are certain this will be giving future value.. way too devoted that, you lost yourself half way through.. without realising it..and one day, when you are awoken from that wonderful dream of yours.. you realised, you are in a place, where you can no longer see your own reflection.. are you alive? or.. and the 1st question that pops up.. "Where the hell am I?" ..
"Where are you".. this is one question I asked.. when I look into the mirror.. I guess it is the tears that have awoken me.. Yes.. I am not a practical person.. and yes.. I am a highly insecure gal.. this is because.. I have devoted a lot that I am not willing to let go? But, I am losing my grip..
I can't help it but wonder.. is it a sign of tiredness? I can't help it but wonder.. does anyone know what I have been through? How hard it is to come this far? Can you even imagine this? But who am I to judge right? I can never out spoke anyone.. Bare truth, I do not feel like saying a single shit.. because I don think words will worth much.. but I know well that it will certainly bring a lot of damage.. just like how much it had hurt me.. I say nothing does not mean I feel nothing.. some people will feel their power when others agree with what they thought is correct.. but, please do step back and reflect it.. because.. you will never know the truth.. if you continue to think it that way..
Well, the statement above.. you have been through too? Well, at some point of time.. I believe we will go through.. just a matter of time.. I have to say.. THANK YOU for those who are there when I am experiencing my nervous breakdown.. thank you for not forcing me .. and allow me to be myself.. I know I care for others more than I care for myself.. so much so that ... I thought I have lost my own feelings.. so much so that I have ignore my own needs.. and catering it for the happiness of others.. ya.. it is time to wake up.. and look for myself..
This is one song that I love so so much.. I prefer the cd version.. I will attached the lyrics here..
_____________________________________________________________
歌名:比较爱
歌手:梁静茹
别说了 再说我就要哭了
总之我是一个人
默默走回家 又静静关了灯
是否该提醒你祝我生日更快乐
别点歌 别让伤心的情歌
惹得你睡不安稳
情人节的花 你送给了别人
到隔天清晨留言你爱我多诚恳
只要能笑一笑 抱着你 感到安慰
我真的 比较爱你一点
每当你看着我 一个谎 说得甜美
两个人 都忍不住伤悲
别点歌 别让伤心的情歌
惹得你睡不安稳
你生日那夜 你留给了别人
到隔天清晨留言你爱我多认真
只要能笑一笑 抱着你 感到安慰
我真的 比较爱你一点
每当你看着我 一个谎 说得抱歉
我知道 你比我更可怜
就算我笑一笑 得不到 你的安慰
我情愿 比较爱你一点
我不要背着你 说那些 坏的预言
恋人啊 都不准流泪
别说了 再说我就要哭了
总之我是一个人
默默走回家 又静静关了灯
电话那头你说 你是 爱我的
"Where are you".. this is one question I asked.. when I look into the mirror.. I guess it is the tears that have awoken me.. Yes.. I am not a practical person.. and yes.. I am a highly insecure gal.. this is because.. I have devoted a lot that I am not willing to let go? But, I am losing my grip..
I can't help it but wonder.. is it a sign of tiredness? I can't help it but wonder.. does anyone know what I have been through? How hard it is to come this far? Can you even imagine this? But who am I to judge right? I can never out spoke anyone.. Bare truth, I do not feel like saying a single shit.. because I don think words will worth much.. but I know well that it will certainly bring a lot of damage.. just like how much it had hurt me.. I say nothing does not mean I feel nothing.. some people will feel their power when others agree with what they thought is correct.. but, please do step back and reflect it.. because.. you will never know the truth.. if you continue to think it that way..
Well, the statement above.. you have been through too? Well, at some point of time.. I believe we will go through.. just a matter of time.. I have to say.. THANK YOU for those who are there when I am experiencing my nervous breakdown.. thank you for not forcing me .. and allow me to be myself.. I know I care for others more than I care for myself.. so much so that ... I thought I have lost my own feelings.. so much so that I have ignore my own needs.. and catering it for the happiness of others.. ya.. it is time to wake up.. and look for myself..
This is one song that I love so so much.. I prefer the cd version.. I will attached the lyrics here..
_____________________________________________________________
歌名:比较爱
歌手:梁静茹
别说了 再说我就要哭了
总之我是一个人
默默走回家 又静静关了灯
是否该提醒你祝我生日更快乐
别点歌 别让伤心的情歌
惹得你睡不安稳
情人节的花 你送给了别人
到隔天清晨留言你爱我多诚恳
只要能笑一笑 抱着你 感到安慰
我真的 比较爱你一点
每当你看着我 一个谎 说得甜美
两个人 都忍不住伤悲
别点歌 别让伤心的情歌
惹得你睡不安稳
你生日那夜 你留给了别人
到隔天清晨留言你爱我多认真
只要能笑一笑 抱着你 感到安慰
我真的 比较爱你一点
每当你看着我 一个谎 说得抱歉
我知道 你比我更可怜
就算我笑一笑 得不到 你的安慰
我情愿 比较爱你一点
我不要背着你 说那些 坏的预言
恋人啊 都不准流泪
别说了 再说我就要哭了
总之我是一个人
默默走回家 又静静关了灯
电话那头你说 你是 爱我的
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
A word for you.. or maybe directed to myself?
What can I say? A lot of things have been happening around me.... I see people being happily together.. and breaking up.. some trying hard to stick together.. some..
Ya.. there is this say.. it is not hard to fall in love.. it is harder to find someone that love you back.. how true is this? that.. is subjective.. but one thing for sure.. no matter how much in love you are.. maybe when you are deeply in love.. you want to believe that, nothing will change.. but one day, when one expectation after another wee not met.. you will start to realise, the only thing that remain unchanged, is change itself.. as everything will change.. whether it is for the better or worst..
You disagree with my saying? Well, look around you.. currently studying? one day you will go into the working world.. and you, therefore, will change.. from the inside out.. or outside in.. you will change.. from the way you talk.. to the way you think.. One day, you will realised, the person that was so close to you.. seems to be so far apart.. ya.. i have a bunch of great fren.. most of them study different field.. and we started to drift further and further apart.. I still do "love" them deeply.. and I know well that if they need helps, i will try my best to help out.. but.. they have changed? or is it.I who started to change?
We cannot avoid change, therefore, we should go along with the change? This makes me wonder.. is there a duration or a definite distance that can make a long distance relationship work? I mean, from what I see, everything will eventually change right..will a long distance relationship eventually work out and somehow overcome all the changes or challenges that come by? Well,that is a question I do not think I am qualify to answer.. but one thing for sure, it is not an easy job to sustain it..
I believed we used to be puzzled with, what kinda ppl we will eventually ended up with.. when we were young.. we would hoping for the best.. one that does not really exist bec it is a "all in one package"... I used to be questioned with this too.. and I will end up saying practically nothing.. at this stage of life, I don aim for good looks , well, who am I to aim for model looking guy right? haha.. I believe one that I can trust, one that I will feel secured with.. that is the main priority.. If i cannot trust you.. how can I trust you with my feeling? How can I feel secured being beside you? I do not need fortune tellers telling me what will happen... I will create my own future.. Yes.. I am not certain what will happen along the road.. I mean, who will be certain of the future.. life itself is a risks.. but am I ready to take a road not taken? This I shall remain silence on.. however, I have come this far.. I intend to continue with the walk? Those that I have entrust with trust.. please do not let me down? I will need you to stand by me.. catch me when I fall.. dance with me when I am happy.. and sing along with me when I am stress out.. for, I will do the same for you too!!
These are the songs that brings back memory.. I still do love these so so badly bec it touched me so so dearly..Does it remind you of some memory?
Ya.. there is this say.. it is not hard to fall in love.. it is harder to find someone that love you back.. how true is this? that.. is subjective.. but one thing for sure.. no matter how much in love you are.. maybe when you are deeply in love.. you want to believe that, nothing will change.. but one day, when one expectation after another wee not met.. you will start to realise, the only thing that remain unchanged, is change itself.. as everything will change.. whether it is for the better or worst..
You disagree with my saying? Well, look around you.. currently studying? one day you will go into the working world.. and you, therefore, will change.. from the inside out.. or outside in.. you will change.. from the way you talk.. to the way you think.. One day, you will realised, the person that was so close to you.. seems to be so far apart.. ya.. i have a bunch of great fren.. most of them study different field.. and we started to drift further and further apart.. I still do "love" them deeply.. and I know well that if they need helps, i will try my best to help out.. but.. they have changed? or is it.I who started to change?
We cannot avoid change, therefore, we should go along with the change? This makes me wonder.. is there a duration or a definite distance that can make a long distance relationship work? I mean, from what I see, everything will eventually change right..will a long distance relationship eventually work out and somehow overcome all the changes or challenges that come by? Well,that is a question I do not think I am qualify to answer.. but one thing for sure, it is not an easy job to sustain it..
I believed we used to be puzzled with, what kinda ppl we will eventually ended up with.. when we were young.. we would hoping for the best.. one that does not really exist bec it is a "all in one package"... I used to be questioned with this too.. and I will end up saying practically nothing.. at this stage of life, I don aim for good looks , well, who am I to aim for model looking guy right? haha.. I believe one that I can trust, one that I will feel secured with.. that is the main priority.. If i cannot trust you.. how can I trust you with my feeling? How can I feel secured being beside you? I do not need fortune tellers telling me what will happen... I will create my own future.. Yes.. I am not certain what will happen along the road.. I mean, who will be certain of the future.. life itself is a risks.. but am I ready to take a road not taken? This I shall remain silence on.. however, I have come this far.. I intend to continue with the walk? Those that I have entrust with trust.. please do not let me down? I will need you to stand by me.. catch me when I fall.. dance with me when I am happy.. and sing along with me when I am stress out.. for, I will do the same for you too!!
These are the songs that brings back memory.. I still do love these so so badly bec it touched me so so dearly..Does it remind you of some memory?
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Suicide?
After a long long hold back.. I am back.. hold back of what? Well.. I am pretty sure no one will be interested in my personal life.. since it is another boring story..
Suicide.. ya.. this somehow has become a "hot topic" in the newspapers as it kept on appearing as one of the headlines.. I can't help it but wonder.. why?? I am sure you feel lost.. sad.. like there is nothing else to live for.. and hence.. the next move will be.. to end your life.. once and for all.. To be frank, such thing does flash through my mind before.. but, I in the same time, I start to question myself.. if I were to go just like that.. one day, if someone were to think of me.. the only thing that they will recall is.. "this poor girl.. had a bad day.. thn die..".. and basically.. tat's all.. which are all negative.. I don't want my life ends just like tat.. If I were to die.. one day, I want ppl to recal me as.. " this gal is a great asset.. it is a huge lost to let go of her.. but it is not her call.. we surely miss her very very dearly.. " Idf I were to leave this world at my darkest moment, people will only remember you at the life prior to ur death right? Maybe I am not entirely correct.. But one thing I am certain of.. I do not have the courage to die just like tat.. do you know how much it takes to commit suicide? Well..you try taking a knife and poke it to your heart.. No.. I do not mean the "poke" button available in the Facebook.. I mean the realy poke where by you will see blood and everything.. can you do it? Maybe you can.. but I surely don't have the courage to do such thing..
I kept wondering.. when one decide to commit suicide.. do they think of their loved ones, by saying the loved ones I meant your parents.. your friends.. the one that you cared and cared of you? If you were to think of them, do you really have the courage to continue? Jumping down from 18 floors does not sound cool at all.. in fact, it is as scary as sitting on a celero shoot.. Before jumping down.. since you feel like you do not have any life anymore.. I believe money to you will mean nothing too right? Why don't you spent some of them.. go to genting.. and sit Celero shoot for .. let's say.. 5 times? this you can redo again and again.. and "experience" the feel of jumping down.. and you can treat it as suicide and "refresh" your mind all over again.. throw the feeling of suicide... and take a little bit more courage and continue your life.. wouldn't that sounds like a better plan?
Live your life FOR yourself.. and not for others.. this is what I usually heard.. somehow.. I am trying to do that as well.. we are bounded by feeling.. and there are times we are happy.. and there are down as well.. life is a cycle.. it is when we experienced the darkest moment that we will become stronger.. and when it goes by, we will know that it is not the end of world.. and we have went through the darkest that we will appreciate things that are around us..
I strongly believe that, there are choices in life.. and each choice taken.. will have an opportunity cost. However, this is life.. and life itself is a gamble.. at times, we might feel lost.. but it is not the end of the world.. it is just a consequences that we have to bare with every step taken. If there is no risks attached to it, I would say, it is not life at all.. some risks are worth taking.. some risks.. once taken.. cannot be undo.. After all, we are not superman, we will still get hurt.. bleed.. but trust me.. it is not the end of the world.. please don't take away life so easily..
This reminded me of a song, Superman can't fly by Jay Chow..I hope you will like it..
Suicide.. ya.. this somehow has become a "hot topic" in the newspapers as it kept on appearing as one of the headlines.. I can't help it but wonder.. why?? I am sure you feel lost.. sad.. like there is nothing else to live for.. and hence.. the next move will be.. to end your life.. once and for all.. To be frank, such thing does flash through my mind before.. but, I in the same time, I start to question myself.. if I were to go just like that.. one day, if someone were to think of me.. the only thing that they will recall is.. "this poor girl.. had a bad day.. thn die..".. and basically.. tat's all.. which are all negative.. I don't want my life ends just like tat.. If I were to die.. one day, I want ppl to recal me as.. " this gal is a great asset.. it is a huge lost to let go of her.. but it is not her call.. we surely miss her very very dearly.. " Idf I were to leave this world at my darkest moment, people will only remember you at the life prior to ur death right? Maybe I am not entirely correct.. But one thing I am certain of.. I do not have the courage to die just like tat.. do you know how much it takes to commit suicide? Well..you try taking a knife and poke it to your heart.. No.. I do not mean the "poke" button available in the Facebook.. I mean the realy poke where by you will see blood and everything.. can you do it? Maybe you can.. but I surely don't have the courage to do such thing..
I kept wondering.. when one decide to commit suicide.. do they think of their loved ones, by saying the loved ones I meant your parents.. your friends.. the one that you cared and cared of you? If you were to think of them, do you really have the courage to continue? Jumping down from 18 floors does not sound cool at all.. in fact, it is as scary as sitting on a celero shoot.. Before jumping down.. since you feel like you do not have any life anymore.. I believe money to you will mean nothing too right? Why don't you spent some of them.. go to genting.. and sit Celero shoot for .. let's say.. 5 times? this you can redo again and again.. and "experience" the feel of jumping down.. and you can treat it as suicide and "refresh" your mind all over again.. throw the feeling of suicide... and take a little bit more courage and continue your life.. wouldn't that sounds like a better plan?
Live your life FOR yourself.. and not for others.. this is what I usually heard.. somehow.. I am trying to do that as well.. we are bounded by feeling.. and there are times we are happy.. and there are down as well.. life is a cycle.. it is when we experienced the darkest moment that we will become stronger.. and when it goes by, we will know that it is not the end of world.. and we have went through the darkest that we will appreciate things that are around us..
I strongly believe that, there are choices in life.. and each choice taken.. will have an opportunity cost. However, this is life.. and life itself is a gamble.. at times, we might feel lost.. but it is not the end of the world.. it is just a consequences that we have to bare with every step taken. If there is no risks attached to it, I would say, it is not life at all.. some risks are worth taking.. some risks.. once taken.. cannot be undo.. After all, we are not superman, we will still get hurt.. bleed.. but trust me.. it is not the end of the world.. please don't take away life so easily..
This reminded me of a song, Superman can't fly by Jay Chow..I hope you will like it..
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
没关系--It is OK.. but is it??
Ya.. I am very used to saying this.. "I'm ok with it.. ".. but deep down.. am I really ok with it? or Am I just trying to convince myself to be ok with it?
I cam across with this song.. and somehow.. I can't stop listening to it.. At times, I do hope that it will not hurt much by saying "it is ok..".. although I might be able to convince others that I am ok with it.. but deep down inside.. I am just trying hard to pleased others.. trying to make them feel better.. without standing strong to my point.. I know well that they might not understand why I am "forcing" myself to take it that way.. but I know this move is for the better.. I am not sure if .. by chance.. anyone will get to know how much it takes to say "it is ok.. ".. and how long it took to be really okey with it.. but .. those who actually says it.. will know..
But I have to admit.. this is one great song.. and I do hope that you will enjoy the song as much as I enjoyed it..
I cam across with this song.. and somehow.. I can't stop listening to it.. At times, I do hope that it will not hurt much by saying "it is ok..".. although I might be able to convince others that I am ok with it.. but deep down inside.. I am just trying hard to pleased others.. trying to make them feel better.. without standing strong to my point.. I know well that they might not understand why I am "forcing" myself to take it that way.. but I know this move is for the better.. I am not sure if .. by chance.. anyone will get to know how much it takes to say "it is ok.. ".. and how long it took to be really okey with it.. but .. those who actually says it.. will know..
But I have to admit.. this is one great song.. and I do hope that you will enjoy the song as much as I enjoyed it..
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Are you really sure that extra marital affair is good??
By chance, I came across with this article which makes me wonder.. are you really sure that affairs is a constructive catalyst in a marriage? ok.. maybe to some point, she is not entirely wrong.. but I am curious.. the whole article says about guys having or I should say.. enjoying the affairs .. which the "suffering" party- the gal.. will have to bare with it.. and ultimately.. able to go through this this disaster right.. Ok.. wel.. she makes me wonder.. the whole article only mentioned that about a guy having an affair is bearable..
Let's look things from another point shall we? If...this happens to the other party.. maybe the female that is having an affair.. will this be applicable as well? I would say.. certainly.. NO.. why is it so??this is merely because, we human being.. are selfish.. can you bear with betrayal? regardless of the reasons.. can you? if you are a gal.. to some point.. you might considered.. but guys.. can you stand all these? chances are.. you will end up having a divorce.. right? Why am I so sure?? wel.. of course this does not apply to all guys.. but.. heh..I realised that most guys.. they are more "small gas" than you can ever imagine.. the reason they says " it is ok.." is because they have a name to uphold..a name called "gentleman"... but like what I said.. we do have a limit before we shows our real colour.. However, try not to test how far is the "limit" for we gals k? You might be taking things for granted because you ASSUMED that we gals doesn't have a limit.. but.. at that point of time. .we might not have the strength.. the ability to shout things out.. but do bear in mind that.. we are not stupid.. we KNOW what is happening.. once when the limit is exceeded.. TRUST ME.. you won't want to know what's next k??
Like what I once said.. please be fair to all.. if you think affairs is good for marriage.. then.. you should tell you wife.. and have a mutual agreement that.. both party can enjoy their affair "openly".. that.. to me.. will be a fair shot.. and it might actually be good for a marriage.. but.. if you are certain that you will not want to share your wife with others.. then.. please.. make sure that thoughts such as affair should never cross your mind.. else.. you might just regret for what that will follow by?? May be you have some other thoughts? please.. by all means.. share with me!!
Let's look things from another point shall we? If...this happens to the other party.. maybe the female that is having an affair.. will this be applicable as well? I would say.. certainly.. NO.. why is it so??this is merely because, we human being.. are selfish.. can you bear with betrayal? regardless of the reasons.. can you? if you are a gal.. to some point.. you might considered.. but guys.. can you stand all these? chances are.. you will end up having a divorce.. right? Why am I so sure?? wel.. of course this does not apply to all guys.. but.. heh..I realised that most guys.. they are more "small gas" than you can ever imagine.. the reason they says " it is ok.." is because they have a name to uphold..a name called "gentleman"... but like what I said.. we do have a limit before we shows our real colour.. However, try not to test how far is the "limit" for we gals k? You might be taking things for granted because you ASSUMED that we gals doesn't have a limit.. but.. at that point of time. .we might not have the strength.. the ability to shout things out.. but do bear in mind that.. we are not stupid.. we KNOW what is happening.. once when the limit is exceeded.. TRUST ME.. you won't want to know what's next k??
Like what I once said.. please be fair to all.. if you think affairs is good for marriage.. then.. you should tell you wife.. and have a mutual agreement that.. both party can enjoy their affair "openly".. that.. to me.. will be a fair shot.. and it might actually be good for a marriage.. but.. if you are certain that you will not want to share your wife with others.. then.. please.. make sure that thoughts such as affair should never cross your mind.. else.. you might just regret for what that will follow by?? May be you have some other thoughts? please.. by all means.. share with me!!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Are you the tree, leaf or wind??
I believe most of you would have read or at least heard of the story of tree, leave and wind? If you have yet to hear of it, you can read if from here ( for chinese vesion )or here ( english version). Ok.. let me be frank, the english version.. is not translated by me.. but it is simply "copy and paste" from somewhere else..
However, reading back at this story.. which I once got it from some1 that is no longer standing around me.. it somehow has another meaning.. but.. let's keep it for another day shall we? Back to this story.. Some presume them to be only one of those 3 characters.. but.. I am pretty sure that.. we've been through the 3 stages.. or maybe.. we will be going through these? it is a matter of time.. Hence, there is no certainty as to.. whether you are the "tree", "leaf" or the "wind".. ok ok.. you might not agree with me now.. but I am pretty sure.. one day.. u will agree?!
At some point of time.. when you are way too confident that you are worth the time for some1 to wait for you.. it is when you are taking things for granted.. you are known as the "tree".. one that will only look at things that are ,of your "definition" ,of "your standard". When you only look things align with your eye side, it is when you starts to lose out? Ya.. life is about opportunity cost.. when you wishes to gain from one side.. you will have to, whether you like it or not, forgo something.. but do bare in mind that.. when you choose to forgo.. never take things for granted by assuming that.. you are worth the wait.. because.. no one is worth for one's time to be wasted waiting for.. Time does not stop for anyone.. However, if you do think it is worth the risk to take.. go ahead pls!! But, if you are taking this risks.. never look back if things do not go as planned.. because.. you asked for it?!
Leaf, you are either way too insecure, too confidence or too ignorance to think that you will get what you desired.. if you wait.. you wishes to prove that.. time will tell.. that you are the best? but , are you? You are too insecure to make the first step.. to step out of your comfort zone..or you are ignorant or maybe too confidence to enough to think that.. ultimately, you will be the only choice that comes into his mind.. if a decision is needed?? So, whether he/she is too insecure, too ignorance or too confidence.. that.. I leave it to you to answer..
Wind, how should I put this.. you are the savior.. Without your existence, leaf will not even have the courage to make the step right? however, how strong can you be? Are you sure that you are able to withstand the bonds between the leaf and the tree? Are you sure that.. ultimately.. you will win? I am pretty sure that.. if you without a try, you will not know.. but, please do bare in mind that.. this is not a game!! A game where, if you are able to pull the leaf off the tree, you will win and it is your choice to throw the leaf aside.. and you can be the tree to the leaf all over again? Wouldn't it be way too cruel to do so? You have to know that.. it takes more than just courage for the leaf to step out of the comfort zone? Ok.. you might noe all these.. but you still wish to experiment all these? ok.. go ahead thn.. but do noe that.. Karma will hunt you down.. What goes around comes around..
So, are you the wind, the leaf, or the tree?? .. .. ..
However, reading back at this story.. which I once got it from some1 that is no longer standing around me.. it somehow has another meaning.. but.. let's keep it for another day shall we? Back to this story.. Some presume them to be only one of those 3 characters.. but.. I am pretty sure that.. we've been through the 3 stages.. or maybe.. we will be going through these? it is a matter of time.. Hence, there is no certainty as to.. whether you are the "tree", "leaf" or the "wind".. ok ok.. you might not agree with me now.. but I am pretty sure.. one day.. u will agree?!
At some point of time.. when you are way too confident that you are worth the time for some1 to wait for you.. it is when you are taking things for granted.. you are known as the "tree".. one that will only look at things that are ,of your "definition" ,of "your standard". When you only look things align with your eye side, it is when you starts to lose out? Ya.. life is about opportunity cost.. when you wishes to gain from one side.. you will have to, whether you like it or not, forgo something.. but do bare in mind that.. when you choose to forgo.. never take things for granted by assuming that.. you are worth the wait.. because.. no one is worth for one's time to be wasted waiting for.. Time does not stop for anyone.. However, if you do think it is worth the risk to take.. go ahead pls!! But, if you are taking this risks.. never look back if things do not go as planned.. because.. you asked for it?!
Leaf, you are either way too insecure, too confidence or too ignorance to think that you will get what you desired.. if you wait.. you wishes to prove that.. time will tell.. that you are the best? but , are you? You are too insecure to make the first step.. to step out of your comfort zone..or you are ignorant or maybe too confidence to enough to think that.. ultimately, you will be the only choice that comes into his mind.. if a decision is needed?? So, whether he/she is too insecure, too ignorance or too confidence.. that.. I leave it to you to answer..
Wind, how should I put this.. you are the savior.. Without your existence, leaf will not even have the courage to make the step right? however, how strong can you be? Are you sure that you are able to withstand the bonds between the leaf and the tree? Are you sure that.. ultimately.. you will win? I am pretty sure that.. if you without a try, you will not know.. but, please do bare in mind that.. this is not a game!! A game where, if you are able to pull the leaf off the tree, you will win and it is your choice to throw the leaf aside.. and you can be the tree to the leaf all over again? Wouldn't it be way too cruel to do so? You have to know that.. it takes more than just courage for the leaf to step out of the comfort zone? Ok.. you might noe all these.. but you still wish to experiment all these? ok.. go ahead thn.. but do noe that.. Karma will hunt you down.. What goes around comes around..
So, are you the wind, the leaf, or the tree?? .. .. ..
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Is it so?!
I had the time to read back on the old blog I once had.. and while reading it.. I realised I used to write great post.. especially those that will really make me feel emo. .. ok.. I shall say that.. I used to feel highly insecure. I used to build a wall that restrict anyone to pass by it.. and in the same time.. I want to be understood.. complicated? Ya.. I know...
Ya.. I know I look strong and "unbeatable" from the outside.. but to be frank.. it is just a mask frm a vulnerable me.. So, should I say that.. the more tough one appear to be.. it might only shows that.. that some1 might be highly insecure and once this wall is broken into half.. the next thing you will see.. is some1 crying like a big baby?
The thing is.. no matter how hard you are trying to avoid one thing.. if you fail to face it.. it will haunt you down.. so.. the question now is.. do you have the courage to face it?? I know.. at times it hurts to face the facts.. and I know at times it is scary to take the next step.. as one unknown. somehow will lead you to another unknown which.. you are not in control of.. but the bare truth.. life is all about risks.. if you are not willing to take the first step.. and you are afraid of the past haunting you.. you will not be able to able to live out of the past.. you will forever remain status quo.. is that what you wish for??
I have to be frank.. I am not tough at all.. but I am trying to be.. I used to describe myself as a cactus.. and I still do think I am.. A cactus that look scary and ugly from the outside.. but might be gentle from the inside.. A cactus that might hurt some1 is you come too close.. but in the same times, without you realizing it, I might get hurt too? However, I do hope to be as strong as a cactus.. one that can withstand hot sun, strong wind... and one that are proud to be called as a cactus..
If you think smile is a sign of happiness.. think again.. Again.. if you think cry is a sense of sadness.. it might not be entirely correct.. Laugh alone does not entirely represent happy.. what more smile.. Again, without tears.. it does not mean that one is not sad.. right?
Ya.. I know I look strong and "unbeatable" from the outside.. but to be frank.. it is just a mask frm a vulnerable me.. So, should I say that.. the more tough one appear to be.. it might only shows that.. that some1 might be highly insecure and once this wall is broken into half.. the next thing you will see.. is some1 crying like a big baby?
The thing is.. no matter how hard you are trying to avoid one thing.. if you fail to face it.. it will haunt you down.. so.. the question now is.. do you have the courage to face it?? I know.. at times it hurts to face the facts.. and I know at times it is scary to take the next step.. as one unknown. somehow will lead you to another unknown which.. you are not in control of.. but the bare truth.. life is all about risks.. if you are not willing to take the first step.. and you are afraid of the past haunting you.. you will not be able to able to live out of the past.. you will forever remain status quo.. is that what you wish for??
I have to be frank.. I am not tough at all.. but I am trying to be.. I used to describe myself as a cactus.. and I still do think I am.. A cactus that look scary and ugly from the outside.. but might be gentle from the inside.. A cactus that might hurt some1 is you come too close.. but in the same times, without you realizing it, I might get hurt too? However, I do hope to be as strong as a cactus.. one that can withstand hot sun, strong wind... and one that are proud to be called as a cactus..
If you think smile is a sign of happiness.. think again.. Again.. if you think cry is a sense of sadness.. it might not be entirely correct.. Laugh alone does not entirely represent happy.. what more smile.. Again, without tears.. it does not mean that one is not sad.. right?
Saturday, October 2, 2010
你不知道的事..
There are lots of things remain unknown.. or I should say.. remain unspoken... or to be more exact.. it should be said as.. remain unwanted to be known.. Yes.. I know.. At times.. you wish to know something.. but somehow.. deep down inside.. you are afraid to know.. because you know.. in some degree.. you care too much to know that.. the story behind all these might hurt you deeply.. I know how you feel.. because without knowing it.. still.. you will feel unsecured.. but the consequences of your curiosity.. might cause you to know severe headache.. because you have to try solving or stay calm trying to find a way out of this mess.. This is where I am... It will not be possible to see all these from me.. because.. I wear a mask? but if you were to look into my eyes.. or to feel what I am feeling.. you will know..
Some were shocked to know that.. people at my age actually have my mind set.. But the thing is.. I have to.. not because I want to.. with all that I faced.. it will be impossible to not have such thinking.. is it a good thing? ok.. wel.. the truth is.. I guess I have to be glad that.. I think one step further? I asked when I don't understand even though it might sound ridiculous.. It can be kind of stress to be who I am.. but I guess.. I have to look strong.. to be able to stand up and face the world.. I cannot hide away.. because.. like some1 once told me..you can run.. but you cannot hide.. it will haunt you.. until you are brave enough to face it.. and overcome it.. I am not strong..in case you don't know.. but I am working hard to make myself strong enough to not to step back when I face obstacles.. I am working hard to be comfortable with what ever that is happening around me..
Below is a nice song.. a song that I would have.. entertain me when I am pressured with my surrounding.. at the very least.. it sang out the part that says.. "things that you do not know".. because.. if you think you do know me well.. do think again pls..
Some were shocked to know that.. people at my age actually have my mind set.. But the thing is.. I have to.. not because I want to.. with all that I faced.. it will be impossible to not have such thinking.. is it a good thing? ok.. wel.. the truth is.. I guess I have to be glad that.. I think one step further? I asked when I don't understand even though it might sound ridiculous.. It can be kind of stress to be who I am.. but I guess.. I have to look strong.. to be able to stand up and face the world.. I cannot hide away.. because.. like some1 once told me..you can run.. but you cannot hide.. it will haunt you.. until you are brave enough to face it.. and overcome it.. I am not strong..in case you don't know.. but I am working hard to make myself strong enough to not to step back when I face obstacles.. I am working hard to be comfortable with what ever that is happening around me..
Below is a nice song.. a song that I would have.. entertain me when I am pressured with my surrounding.. at the very least.. it sang out the part that says.. "things that you do not know".. because.. if you think you do know me well.. do think again pls..
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